


an ordinary story

by kaleidoscope_kat



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Character Study, Friends to Lovers, Haikyuu!! Manga Spoilers, M/M, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Pining, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 21:47:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29442861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaleidoscope_kat/pseuds/kaleidoscope_kat
Summary: at age six, akira knows as much about love as any typical six year old. he hears the girls talking about it sometimes, frequently. it's all romantic, stupid he thinks. kisses are gross, hand-holding transfers germs. not to mention all the names sound berating and utterly idiotic. who even wants to be called babe or baby or sweetie or anything like that in the first place? his mom calls him that. he's not particularly lonely then, nor is he social. unlike most other kids, he spends most of his time alone, staring into space or observing things. reading even.//or. a half-assed character study, mixed with years of pining.
Relationships: Hanamaki Takahiro & Kunimi Akira, Kageyama Tobio & Kunimi Akira, Kindaichi Yuutarou & Kunimi Akira, Kindaichi Yuutarou/Kunimi Akira
Comments: 5
Kudos: 17





	an ordinary story

**Author's Note:**

> mmm this has been a journey, to say the least. i think i started this somewhere in october, planning to do it for angst week, that was going to happen on like. november of something, of 2020. sooner or later, i decided to do nanowrimo (and no, we pretend that i got more than 3000 words done. more than ~4000 words or something. idk). sooner or later, there was kinkuni day which i was debating whether to actually finish or not, and then there was janurary, new years-- where i was like "man. wouldn't it be amazing to publish a work each month?" we can all anticipate that that did not turn out well. apparently, i do genuinely need to be a better planner, a better plotter. or not procrastinate as much.
> 
> to be fair however, i think this turned out slightly better than i thought it would have? given the fact that yeah, i procrastinated, but i didn't really leave it as a wip?
> 
> so here you go. my contribution towards kunimi and kindaichi, mainly kunimi. he's a character i hold dear to my heart.
> 
> i rated this teen, btw. since there's a couple specks of swearing, here and there.

at age six, akira knows as much about love as any typical six year old. he hears the girls talking about it sometimes, frequently. it's all romantic, stupid he thinks. kisses are gross, hand-holding transfers germs. not to mention all the names sound berating and utterly idiotic. who even wants to be called babe or baby or sweetie or anything like that in the first place? his mom calls him that. he's not particularly lonely then, nor is he social. unlike most other kids, he spends most of his time alone, staring into space or observing things. reading even.

the other boys call him girly for doing such. akira doesn't feel like getting sweaty like the rest of them, hands and feet covered in mud. he doesn't feel like teasing the rest of the world, nor does he feel like putting himself on a pedestal. although he does  _ agree  _ with some of their thoughts, he doesn't want to be the one who says that the ideals of others are crazy, are insane- even if they are.

he is eight when he first sees kindaichi. kindaichi's new, lanky, tall. awkward, if anything. the teacher assigns him to sit next to akira. akira moves away slightly. kindaichi's chatty, annoyingly so. for the record, kunimi doesn't need to hear about that one movie with that one superhero, or skateboarding or sports and what not. he doesn't care about cars or anything of that sort. those days, he is locked inside his own world, flipping through the pages again.

perhaps it's an irritating day (kindaichi's annoying in general) or perhaps it's an irritating week. maybe it's the fact that his parents are pushing him to do stupid things like sports and what not, saying that he's not following the whatever regulations and will be teased if he keeps acting the way he is. okay, it's not his fault that action movies are boring and he couldn't care less about that model of cars or whatever people talk about these days. or maybe it's the fact that he hears his parents arguing more and more in the background.

he is eight years old when he pushes his first possible friend away. he is eight years old when his parents divorce. he is eight years old when he thinks that love isn't about cooties or holding hands or kissing or any of the gross stuff. he is eight years old when he thinks that love holds no place in the world, that all the books are lying. that his world has just shattered apart in a matter of seconds, and that there is no love. nothing. that love is nothing but a child's fable, one of those stories his mom used to read to him. 

he is eight years old when kindaichi finally gives up on talking to him. instead of relief as kunimi expects to feel, he feels lonely instead. kindaichi's with others now, he realizes. others in which he seems happier and brighter and louder and probably talking about cars and action movies and superheroes and whatever they seem to be talking about. 

he is eight years old when he feels lonely. things mend themselves soon enough. 

he is 12 years old when he realizes that kindaichi's the only person he recognizes in his new middle school and it seems to be the same thing for kindaichi. instead of last time, kunimi's the one who walks up to him and asks him if he likes to partner up for the p.e. lesson. 

he gets dragged into things he originally wouldn't want to. first it's the volleyball club. apparently kindaichi's been eying that particular club for a while. kunimi has no choice but to follow. part of him doesn't want to be alone again, the other part of him wants to follow kindaichi for whatever mysterious reason. at age 12, he calls that feeling interest, curiosity in the other. kindaichi's not boring after all, he's not like the other boys. he's kind of interesting actually, and kunimi learns that he doesn't really mind listening to kindaichi ramble about cars and trucks and sports and action movies and superheroes and monsters and shit. he truly doesn't. 

at age 12, he doesn't even pick up a book while listening to kindaichi talk about such. he responds instead.

kindaichi’s nice. almost overwhelmingly so. he’s the type of person who makes you want to protect them, or just. care for them in general. his family celebrates stupid traditions, and he consistently brings a smile- a smile! on kunimi’s face. there’s an instance where kindaichi deadass gives kunimi salted caramels, right on his birthday. it was a surprise for him, that kindaichi remembered.

the interchanging is. somewhat awkward, to be fair. still, it’s the best birthday kunimi has ever had and well. he started looking forward to his birthdays slightly more after that.

(kindaichi apologize profusely that day for just getting him salted caramels and not something more “cool” like books or some shit. little did he know that that was the first day kunimi started his salted caramel agenda. oh, and that maybe he started liking salted caramels more than necessary. “what?” he would ask later on, “they taste good.”)

it’s that day as well, when kunimi asks kindaichi for his birthday, and marks it on his calender. the sixth of june. he doesn’t really know much about kindaichi (unfortunately?) but he finds himself observing his.. classmate? acquaintance? slightly more.

the volleyball club is fine. there's a couple of senpais, and this other awkward kid there. kindaichi approaches him, being the nice person he is. kunimi follows. one part of him is afraid, another part of him sees a former self. at the end, it's kunimi who convinces the new kid- kageyama tobio to stay with them.

soon they're not a duo but a trio.

kunimi's fine with that, he thinks. it's alright, listening to them ramble. he learns quite a few things (he has to after all). apparently he's smart or whatever, because he grasps the concept soon.

in reality, he blames how well the kageyama kid sets, and how well kindaichi blocks. he also blames how the volleyball club is, how everyone seems nice and welcome and how the world isn't composed of people who just like cars and shit and thinks that holding hands is gross.

(holding hands is gross. and yet, some part of him wants to interlace his fingers with kindaichi.)

he's twelve years old when he self-proclaims himself as a self-contradicting motherfucking idiot who wants to hold hands with his best friend.

he's also twelve years old when he watches as his two only friends climb higher and higher, him trailing at the background. it's obvious that they admire the two best players on the court, kageyama with the setter and captain (oikawa tooru. he's quite good, even kunimi thinks so), and kindaichi with iwaizumi hajime, the vice captain.

kunimi doesn't know why, but he finds himself not liking iwaizumi that much. iwaizumi's fine. he's kind, awkward. supportive. less awkward than kindaichi.

he's kinda stupid as well, an idiot. he doesn't seem to know a lot of things.

and yet, kindaichi looks at him as though he has the world in his hands.

he is twelve years old when he thinks he might be jealous. and that. well, these feelings- whatever they mean might be similar to love. just platonic love though, absolutely not romantic. romantic love is gross. romantic love is hand holding and kissing and touching and- uck.

and even if he wants to interlace their fingers together, and even if he wants to give him a hug- a hug, a freaking hug, it’s just a friend thing. it’s merely a phase, and soon. soon he’ll get out of this hellhole and become normal again and not want to hug kindaichi nor see happiness ignite his features, or feel his own lips curving into a smile when kindaichi’s smiling and proud and does something. cool.

things shatter once more. kunimi notices how kageyama always trails behind oikawa-san’s back, and how oikawa seems to pay him no attention. even less attention than the rest of the world. but kageyama keeps chasing and the world keeps breaking and at the end when the third years leave, the world begins to crumble.

first it’s just a couple of words. they aren’t harmful, just a little thorn on his side. to be fair, kunimi has never cared much about volleyball. it’s just a game, and if he feels a tiny flutter in his chest the moment they score a point and he high-fives kindaichi then so be it. 

they are harmful soon enough. he can see the others not give a single fuck- but kindaichi, precious hardworking kindaichi does nothing but try and support kageyama, even when the rest of the world turns against him. perhaps he’s right, kindaichi says. perhaps they need to work harder- kageyama is from a different league after all.

most of them listen. keyword: most. evidently there are some who don’t listen, and kunimi is fine with that, he thinks. but when they start picking on kindaichi for doing the best he can, when they start blaming kindaichi and not even kageyama anymore for all their troubles, kunimi wants nothing but to resort to more violent measures. instead, he stays back. he places a hand on kindaichi’s shoulder, allows him a shoulder to lean on when he’s crying, someone to ramble to. in that moment, both of them share the pain of one soul.

and knowing some of the pain that kageyama feels, knowing that there was something fishy going on with the other. knowing that he’s unnecessarily harsh, not like the innocent sweet boy who was volleyball-crazed the moment kunimi met him, kunimi stays with them. they are a trio for life after all, even if they didn’t necessarily start off that way. he feels a certain kinship with kageyama after all, they were both lost souls bonded by kindaichi, even if they didn’t really get along.

they all stay together, watching as the rest of the volleyball team also tries to comply, to follow whatever kageyama’s saying. for a while, it seems brighter. the light is shining still, and they win a couple thousand games, games that they wouldn’t have won otherwise. however, it’s a loss that sends kageyama spiraling again, a loss that causes them to be the pillows that kageyama punches, them to be the blame of their loss.

he tries to stay strong. he clenches his own fists, holds back his own tears- because who cares? it’s merely a phase, it’s merely a time. and they’ll be fine, they have to be fine. because they’re a trio and they’re a friend group and they’re supposed to do some sort of super cheesy superhero thing like save the world or conquer the universe or just live through things. friendship is important after all, and it’ll dominate everything. even if it’s slightly breaking.

at home, things are fine. normal. his mom is at their apartment, and she well. tells him that she’s proud of him but doesn’t really seem as though she cares. this is normal for everyone, he thinks. it has to be right? his parents say that he is independent, that he is gifted. that he is smart, and as long as he can keep his grades up and study material ahead of time (which he does) then they are proud.

“there’s a match tomorrow. uh. volleyball match” _ , _ he mentions, at dinner. his mother nods and responds with whatever superficial words she usually does(“oh? good luck akira! you can do it!”). later, he calls his father and tells him the same things, despite him being a couple miles away. he should be able to come, right? if given the opportunity. his father says the same things, another barrage of words that hold no meaning.

he thinks he’s been fairly obvious and yet..

during volleyball matches, akira only sees kindaichi’s parents come. the stadiums are devoid of his parents. while everyone else seem to go to their respectful guardians and what not, right after the match, kunimi lingers. here, alone, with just another soul by him- kageyama.

if his memory serves him, kageyama’s grandfather always appeared in matches- yet, for whatever reason, he isn’t there. kageyama seems to slouch slightly, catches his glance, and glares at him. kunimi looks at him, taken back.

what was the deal with him in the first place? kunimi didn’t do anything besides look at him anyways. was staring at him offensive or something? without kindaichi, kunimi doesn’t really approach him. kageyama doesn’t really acknowledge his presence either (minus the glare). they head home that day separately, and kunimi ever ask the question lingering in his mind.

soon, everything unfolds. well, not everything. kunimi can’t think of a single reason for whatever’s happening, nor does he really care. (lies. he does. he cares terribly much for his team, although he won’t really admit it). in the third year, kageyama’s crowned vice captain. not captain, but vice captain.

it should be an honor. kunimi thinks it’s some sort of honor- kindaichi had been looking intently at that position after all, and did nothing but congratulate kageyama when kageyama was the one chosen- even though he seemed kinda meh about it afterwards. he’s stupidly kind because of that, selfless, as if he wasn’t allowed to feel ugly emotions like jealousy and what not.

sometimes. sometimes kunimi wishes that he was a bit more like kindaichi. definitely not as stupid, but a bit more selfless, kind and well. less him.

maybe if he was more like that, things wouldn’t have turned out so devastatingly. maybe if it was more like that, they would have earned a couple more points, or he would feel more dedicated to the sport- or maybe he would try harder. maybe he would have gotten those balls that were impossible to receive, and maybe they could have won match after match. and maybe, maybe they wouldn’t have caused such a fiasco in the middle of the volleyball match. and maybe. just maybe.

maybe kageyama would not have been benched (he deserved it though). maybe kindaichi would stop looking so devastated- as if this whole- thing was his fault.

(it wasn’t. it wasn’t, it really wasn’t- kunimi says, trying to talk some sense into him. although for the remainder of the weeks, kindaichi doesn’t listen to him. he barely acknowledges his presence.)

the end of that year ends… strangely. no one really talks to kageyama anymore, and their relationship is strained. extremely strained. kunimi has seen kindaichi try to reach out to him countless times, only to be stopped by someone’s hands.

the hands are his. he can not risk for him to feel so, devastated, broken at something that wasn’t his fault. if anything, everyone share the blame here. a small part of kunimi utterly and completely blamed kageyama for what happened. it was something irrational, yet something that made perfect sense. if only he didn’t expect so much, if only the club wasn’t led by some volleyball crazed idiot.

seasons past, and although his memories about that year and game fade, he never quite seems to forget how devastated kindaichi looks, or how utterly surprised kageyama seems, when kindaichi does not spike another one of his perfect sets. 

their friendship slowly mends itself, although without a certain person. months pass by slowly, and yet it seems like a trance, like a blink of an eye. these days, kageyama seems to never accept a half-assed invitation from any of them, kindaichi because he really cares and kunimi because well. perhaps he just wants to alleviate the guilt from kindaichi, allow him to be a little happier.

he doesn’t give a shit however. he really doesn’t. it used to be just the two of them, and yet things feel slightly emptier. he can still remember the ugly feeling curling up inside him when kageyama officially turned their duo into a trio, yet now, there’s a certain emptiness in his heart.

his first year as a high school student starts soon enough.

“you don’t think kageyama wouldn’t come, right?” kindaichi says, moments before they enter the gym their first time as highschoolers, signing papers and carrying those to the office weeks prior. 

“no, he has no where else to go, right?” kunimi replies. he’s sure of it, confident and yes, perhaps the sentence was worded a bit rudely but the big thing was that it was  _ right _ .

he’s oddly surprised. actually, very surprised.

so not only was his original thought wrong, (kageyama is in fact. not in aoba johsai, but in some sort of flightless crow school? karasomething) but it gets slightly weirder from there. he recognizes a few people, only oikawa-san and iwaizumi-san and a couple more upperclassmen and acquaintances from kitaichi. there’s two other third year starters though, and soon they (well, mostly hanamaki-san) announces that kunimi’s his son.

to everyone’s surprise, he’s chill with it. (“was it all that surprising?” he remarks to kindaichi later, which kindaichi follows with a shit load of expressive actions, confusion glimmering on his face, “you usually brush everyone off! of course it’s a surprise, kunimi!” “i never brushed you off,” kunimi responds. and then the discussion ended from there.)

in truth, it’s nice to have someone to admire, in a way. kageyama admired oikawa, kindaichi admired iwaizumi, and in a way, he felt as though they both formed some sort of connection with the two, whereas kunimi was cool with shit. perhaps a part of him yearned for older siblings, or someone who would be there for him- experienced, guiding him along the way whether they knew it or not..

he is not the only one searching for kageyama, in the first few weeks. he catches kindaichi doing it a couple of times, but also oikawa and iwaizumi, as if they don’t quite believe he has gone elsewhere. the topic is brought up a sufficient amount of times, and hanamaki-san and matsukawa-san question them from time to time.

he feels alright. nice, kunimi supposes. decent enough, at that. seijoh has brought good luck, as well as a lot of wins. victories. happiness. oikawa’s back as the captain, which means that he feels  _ successful _ for everything everyone else has picked on him for. generally, he’s happier. truthfully- he is. it doesn’t matter how his parents never show up, nor how they seem to have their own little worlds, reliving their teenage years or young adulthood, and paying no mind to their own teengaer.

(just the other day, akira saw his mother go out, looking haier and well, dressed up. he doesn’t know what to make of it. he knows that they’re divorced, he knows that he shouldn’t be this-- childish, and yet, it feels as though that one whole in his heart will never be repaired. gone were those days where they were a happy family of three. forever gone, now that his mom is moving on, his father slowly following. at the end, it’s him looking back, wishing.)

but, there’s always a trail of sadness and shittiness whenever things become positive. (or however the old saying goes, akira doesn’t care enough to remember.)

kindaichi’s back on his “iwaizumi-san’s so cool! did you see that spike? or the way he--” agenda. truthfully, it shouldn’t be something that bothers akira. he’s happy. he’s happy that kindaichi’s happy. he’s overjoyed- oh no, absolutely fucking overjoyed at how kindaichi seems to sparkle far more than he does with him, whenever he just. watches, iwaizumi.

yeah. overjoyed. really.

granted, it shouldn’t be his business. but some sort of dude or some thing- or someone, or whatever created humans in the first place decided that hearts existed (okay truth to be told it was the brain that helped you do the thinking or provided an inconsequential thought, as well as feelings and other dangerous and fickle things known to mankind, but every single book painted it as a heart.), and decided that kunimi akira should have one that beat for kindaichi yuutarou. that cared for him more than a simple friend should.

he learns to block it off, the ramblings, while looking as though he’s listening and nodding and saying “yeah i guess so” when he’s supposed to. he learns to somewhat observe iwaizumi as well, and subconsciously adjusting his own spiking or whatever to be well more. likeable?

not many people notice, thankfully. well, he does wish that there were different people who noticed, that didn’t include oikawa and hanamaki and matsukawa. shitty and terrible trouble, right in front of his face, in lack of better phrases.

“what is it?” he asked, the end of practice that day, right after they changed and showered (sweat smelled like shit and it’s annoying when he’s sweaty and tired right after practice. like, seriously), when his upperclassmen approach him, all carrying distinct varies grins that spell the same thing: nothing but trouble.

“our dear little kuni-chan’s pinning after a certain someone, eh?” his captain speaks. never has akira ever wanted to bolt out of the gym, or accidently commit a murder right there. 

“i’m not pinning after kindaichi,” akira states instead, hand clamping right over his mouth the minute he lets the sentence slip.  _ shit. _

__ “so it is our little kindaichi, hmm kunimi-kun? i’m utterly heartbroken of how you didn’t tell me before. what a shocking betrayal- and from my own son even!” hanamaki-san interjects, which causes a glare- a motherfucking glare to be shot at him. akira’s clenching his fists, sighing and- ugh.

“whatever,” akira replies, a slight slouch. he takes a sip of his water, pointing his elbow right at kindaichi. to no one’s fucking surrpsie, he’s awkawardly talking to iwaizumi once more. it seems as thoug h there’s a ridiculous amount of sparkles surrounding him, making him brighter. as if talking to that one erson just makes him so much happier. ugh.

his three upperclassmen regard him with the same smile, some wider than others as he can only sigh. “surely it can’t be  _ too _ hopeless of a cause,” matsukawa interjects. at this moment, kunimi finally knows the reason why he abhors the third years, especially hanamaki-san who’s shooting him that shit eating grin, as well as oikawa-san who just seems to want to gossip, and matsukawa-san who’s just there simply because hanamaki-san’s there.

or maybe hanamaki-san was the one who dragged matsukawa-san there. the stupid lingering glances they sometimes shot at each other were.. strange to say the least. not to mention they always seemed to be with each other, switching jerseys, eating the same food.. it was sometimes hard to believe they were still in the pining stage.

“there’s another one even more obsessed with our poor ‘iwa-chan’ after all,” hanamaki states, thankfully stopping kunimi from thinking, while shooting a not so subtle glance at oikawa. akira allows a small laugh at that- however pitiful it might be.

yeah. his only selfish hope was for iwaizumi to like oikawa, yet that would mean kindaichi would be crushed. sure, he might have had a chance and yet, would it be worth the pain? on the other side, if iwaizumi liked oikawa, then good for them. actually, really really good for them. they deserved some sort of happiness after all, in a way- everyone did.

“oh let’s move on and talk about how you and mattsun keep making googly eyes at each other,” oikawa retorts. soon enough, the third years are being well. chaotic upperclassmen, and thankfully sparing kunimi from their half-finished interrogation. he files away the piece of information eagerly, perhaps in the future, he can also not-so-subtly reference those points.

days pass by, one successful practice after another. soon, they’re having one of the important matches, in which someone from karasomething has contacted aoba johsai, or perhaps it was the other way around. akira still isn’t too sure of the details, but it does peek his interest… and not just his own.

kindaichi’s actions are far more concentrated, as if he has something to prove. he knows what he’s looking for though, and part of him yearns for the same thing. on the other hand, he was never as close as kindaichi was, merely an observer, an outsider. still, he wants to prove to him that well. maybe they were fine without his tyrannical remarks, and that they are still fine, stable. but also perhaps he meant a certain amount to them, a friend, someone who could not be replaced. he holds a significant grudge against him, and akira knows he’ll never really contact him unless it’s absolutely necessary, but part of him saw him as a former friend, someone who evidently wasn’t just a king.

the match was well. strange. to no one’s surprise, oikawa doesn’t show up until the end. karasuno's surely full of surprises, and there seems to be  _ someone _ who can tolerate kageyama’s kinglike actions. well.. that isn’t quite right. as someone who has been with him for a while, kunimi feels as though kageyama’s somewhat diminished, but calmer. his eyes are slightly lighter as well, as if he doesn’t carry as much of a burden. he’s glad then, that some sort of pain has been alleviated, even for just a moment.

part of him’s somewhat frustrated that he wasn’t the one who shook kageyama out of that stupor, yet kindaichi seems to feel his pain but millions of times stronger. as he should, kunimi reminds himself. he has the right to, and he will be forever indebted to such a right. after kindaichi encounters kageyama in the washroom or however their story goes, kunimi lends him a comforting hand.

a bare minimum of words are spoken, which is fine. he has always preferred actions over words, and whatever came out of his lips weren’t necessarily going to be the kindest words. ever. at that moment, he doesn’t speak to kageyama. he never really has a chance to, although he’s slowly learning to let go of their small past, let go of their year. kageyama seems to be somewhat fine with his own group, with a new friend and a couple more people.

at age fourteen, he feels a strange sense of regret, a small bud of jealousy, but also a bigger blossom of relief. kageyama’s doing fine, for some reason, that was all he needed to know.

kindaichi’s happier the days after that, despite their loss. their practices are clear, each movement. when it really counts, they will plummet karasuno to the ground. they’ll beat shiratorizawa as well, and they’ll touch the nationals stage, a dream that was not just oikawa’s nor iwaizumi’s, but everyone’s. as a team.

they win a couple more times when they suffer a defeat to karasuno. it’s nothing kunimi would call a  _ crushing _ defeat, but it hurts nonetheless. they cry, him even. a few tears- or perhaps a whole river of one.

he’s not particularly someone so emotional, but he never expected volleyball of all things to mean so much. this was one of the most painful defeats, perhaps  _ the _ most painful. maybe it was because it was kageyama. maybe it was because- oddly, despite how challenging shiratorizawa was, karasuno managed to be even harder to defeat.

kindaichi cries. sobs. because of course he does- he leaves without him, for how can he? there’s a pain elsewhere, a pain that he can’t necessarily compare to. when oikawa-san takes everyone else out for ramen, kunimi takes his leave. he can’t deal with it. he can’t deal with the defeat, that fact that he didn’t try hard enough. the fact that despite how hard oikawa-san tried to lead them, how hard each individual member worked, sweating so hard, while he did nothing but laze around? while he skipped thousands of practices, resorting to browsing through the internet or doing something utterly useless?

later that night, he reaches for his phone. to do what, he doesn’t know- but his house seems lonely once more, and perhaps he longs for a bit of company. and perhaps he wishes that he could have stayed for a moment longer, with them. even if iwaizumi was there (because honestly. that shouldn’t matter at this rate), even if thousands more people were there. but that moment was a tad bit overwhelming, and thus, here he stayed. alone.

perhaps lady luck is on his side here (not that he believes in something as ludicrous as that), but kindaichi has sent him a text, at some point. a hope, a promise. a goal, somewhere to go- and at that moment, it might be everything.

_ we’ll defeat them. _ he says.  _ we’ll defeat karasuno.  _ despite being over text, akira feels as though he can imagine the wide smile on kindaichi’s face, that confident gleam in his eye as he sparkles even, before mentioning how his quote sounded vaguely herolike. he was one of those who idolized others, watched movies about this hero and another.

despite not believing in heroes or ever finding an interest in any of them, akira feels that. strangely, kindaichi was one. a hero, for a ton of people if not just akira. just. just in this moment, he would never give the other the satisfaction of being called such, even if he knew that it would bring a bright smile on his face, eyes of disbelief.

_ okay _ , he writes. it’s not the best of responses, it’s not the most intricate. yet, it feels right.  _ okay. okay, _ it seems to say.  _ we can do it. i’ll be with you all the way. _

for once, he isn’t jealous of how kindaichi’s eyes constantly flitter over to iwaizumi’s figure, eyes burning with excitement and happiness. for once, he isn’t jealous of how kindaichi seems to brighten up with each compliment iwaizumi sometimes gives him. for once, he doesn’t care about how kindaichi seems. happier in general, when iwaizumi acknowledges him, when iwaizumi does this, does that.

for once, akira’s happy. glad, that he’s kunimi akira. that he’s kindaichi’s best friend, sidekick. and that he will be there- on the court, as one of the victors and someone who will be able to see potentially the brightest smile on kindaichi’s face when seijoh goes to the nationals.

he is sixteen years old, when not only he, but also his best friend, faces heartbreak for the first time.

months past by. months, as he watches heartbreak unfold right in front of his eyes. it’s such a strange sensation, he knows. and yet, a strange sense of relief all the same.

volleyball isn’t the only life for highschoolers like him and kindaichi. volleyball isn’t the only component of his life, as he watches his pile of schoolwork grow and grow, before shrinking. assignments turned into the front of the classroom, presentations given and some days when he kinda wants to skip class but doesn’t really.

it would be a bad idea. that’s all. kindaichi would be a bit disappointed, and he would have to suffer  _ that talk _ from his parents. he passes each test and each obstacle that passes his way. perhaps with less energy than he uses for volleyball (which is, to say, about no energy at all), but it’s still done.

yet, despite how well he does in school and academics, nothing seems to prepare him for the moment he feels guilty, as well as a small burst of relief all the same. two emotions that should  _ never _ be correlated to rejection, especially when it’s someone else’s rejection.

january is the month where he watches karasuno’s matches, the nationals stage. along with kindaichi and yahaba-san and kyoutani-san. january is the month where yahaba-san’s filled with the intent of bringing seijoh to nationals, despite not officially being the captain yet.

january also marks  _ that day _ , in which kindaichi seems more nervous than ever. he sees the signs before, weeks before. it starts when kindaichi seems slightly more nervous than he should be- okay, a lot more nervous. biting his lips and what not, when they’re walking back home.

it’s the same day when akira feels a stone settle in his gut. hanamaki-san gave him a wink moments prior, a hand. “you’ve got this!” he says, with some sort of encouraging smile or whatever that smirk on his face is going to be. 

“you have the wrong idea, hanamaki-san,” akira says. because he knows what’s going to happen- because he’s dreading the moment, and how long did it take for kindaichi to figure out himself? how could anyone identify the feeling in his eyes when he looks at iwaizumi to be something else than admiration?

and of course, he’s correct. for once, he wishes he wasn’t. for once, he wishes it was something else- since it kinda seems like that. but he’s getting his heart broken indirectly, and he knows that his best friend will also get his heart broken, later.

what’s the lesser of the two evils? supporting your friend just to know that he’ll fail? or telling your friend that it’s impossible and being the one to. well, break his heart first? he doesn’t deserve any of the privileges, and none of them seem like lesser evils. both seem, evil enough.

at the end, he remains silent. at the end, he allows himself to nod, say a quick “cool. how long did it take you to realize? it was kinda evident.”, before watching kindaichi splutter and turn red, “h- you don’t think he knows, do you, kunimi?”

“if there’s anyone possibly more oblivious than you, that’s iwaizumi-san,” kunimi replies, gaze turned elsewhere. he didn’t know how anyone could ever spend so much time with oikawa-san and  _ not _ know how oikawa-san definitely didn’t carry platonic feelings towards him- that his touches lasted a bit longer and well. it had to mean something when there was only one person who could comfort the other so easily, so effortlessly- along with how one always seemed to smile more, smile brighter. and smile more genuinely.

part of him wonders if oikawa-san’s also on the list of Oblivious People ™ with countless fans, not just girls, and being the number one advocate for (shitty) love advice, while never once realizing or considering the possibility of his crush liking him back.

but in that sense, perhaps the entirety of seijoh minus one select person (thank the world for watari-san, who doesn’t seem to be oblivious or in a love dilemma) are composed of idiots. minus him of course, and watari-san.

“thank you, kunimi. you’re a real friend!” is what kindaichi says, and is the moment akira feels as though he’s sinking. sinking into a whirlpool of lies even though he technically didn’t lie.

the moment comes sooner than he expects. although, if it was by his choice, he wishes for it not to come at all. it’s after practice one day, and for once, kindaichi’s more nervous than usual. jumping each time kunimi touches him on the shoulder- hoping to comfort him.

“you can do it,” is what kunimi whispers- another trace of guilt and regret weighing down on him as kindaichi smiles once more- says a quick thank you and proceeds to corner iwaizumi in the changing room. or something like that.

he’s stuck with the third years once more, minus iwaizumi-san of course. they corner him as always, wolves surrounding its prey. or something like that. thankfully, they seem more serious than usual, a pitiful look on oikawa-san’s face.

“are you alright?” is what he asks, devoid of any nicknames, as if to emphasize his seriousness. both hanamaki-san and matsukawa-san look at him in the same way, as if he’s breaking. he really isn’t, he knows whats to come, and he knows that part of it is his fault.

“he’s going to get rejected,” kunimi replies, another faraway glance. “is it bad that i feel relieved because of that?’

“it’s human,” oikawa-san states. despite his foolish antics from time to time, it’s obvious why he’s the captain of seijoh. not merely because of his skill as a setter, but his intelligence and influence on his team members. and for once, kunimi knows that he is not the only one breaking down inside, with something inevitable happening.

“good luck,” akira says. he wishes to say more, something along the lines of ‘i think iwaizumi-san likes you too,’ but it isn’t in his place to do so. perhaps oikawa-san already knows, and perhaps he’s another who’s evil but good in his own way.

he feels much like oikawa in that moment. a bit lost, a bit unsure. a bit mixed with guilt, a bit mixed with relief. but he is not oikawa, and he can't quite fake a smile or even smile when he sees kindaichi walk out, a defeated look on his face.

ironic it is, how even after being rejected, kindaichi still carries a smile— slightly broken on the edges, but a smile nonetheless. this is the moment where kunimi knows that he'll overcome it. the grief and whatever it is from heartbreak.

"is it stupid of me to want to cry?" kindaichi asks him, when they're both hanging out in the kunimi residence once more, his mother out, and his older sibling in college.

"cry for what?" akira replies, not a single character out of line. he's genuinely confused however, for how could math or tutoring even lead to this?

"after iwaizumi-san rejected me, i mean. was i supposed to cry?" it is that moment, that exact moment when akira feels as though he wants to snap a pencil in half. make it two, or three, or twelve for the number on kindaichi's jersey.

"you're an idiot," akira replies, a truth stated over and over again throughout their lives. "you don't have to cry because of a rejection or something like that. it happens and you're allowed to feel like shit or disappointed or even nothing at all, and that's that. there's no guidebook of any sort that says 'cry after your favorite senpai slash crush rejects you.'"

".. he also said something else that i kinda find weird," kindaichi adds, moments later. "he looked at me a bit strangely. i think he was confused or something that i confessed to him —i mean, who wouldn't? he's kind and he puts the team first. and when oikawa-san's out of it or when a bad day's happening, he's always there to even it out. he's.. kinda attractive as well, and a really good spiker…"

make that forty-eight pencils, a couple salted caramels, a pillow and blankets. oh, and a good night's sleep. akira decidedly can not deal with this, and yet he listens to kindaichi ramble about iwaizumi for the next couple of hours, falling asleep on kindaichi's shoulder at some point.

_ it's fine right _ ? he asks himself, moments later after he wakes up. falling asleep on your crush slash best friend's shoulder after he just got rejected by his own crush.

yeah. it’s probably fine, even if akira gives it too much thought. at the end, none of his routines really change- he still manages to somehow fall asleep on kindaichi’s shoulder, when they’re on the bus to various matches, or field trips, or just things in general.

more inevitable things happen month after month. soon, there are cherry blossoms and what not, valentine’s day passing with oikawa showing a genuine smile- for once in a long time. akira notices how oikawa-san and iwaizumi-san seem closer than ever, sharing secret smiles. kindaichi seems to sink into himself for a couple of days, but that changes sooner or later.

with valentine’s day also comes confessions- and not just to oikawa. (not that it really matters, all the girls and boys were rejected anyways- save for one).

it seems to be another blast of cold water for kindaichi, but he seems to be healing, in a sense. healing, as his eyes are no longer clouded with longing when he sees iwaizumi-san and oikawa-san together, and to no one’s surprise (read, everyone’s surprise) he actually receives one letter, a confession most likely, on valentine’s day.

he's more surprised than happy, akira thinks, but he still opens up the letter with sparkling eyes, touching it as if he can't believe it's happening. akira can't too, not really anyways. volleyball practice ends up with a shit load of teasing kindaichi, as akira gives him a small smile.

yeah. he deserved it, the letter, whoever it was from. perhaps they thought he was cute, even if his build was slightly lanky, and even if he was an awkward little shit who didn't quite know how to well, deal with things. and akira didn't mind, not really, as the letter made kindaichi smile for days, as if he was surprised someone could be attracted to him.

alas, that was something akira couldn't quite understand. yeah, maybe his taste was a bit shitty but kindaichi's just a bit attractive, and although he's slightly stupid he always has your likes in mind and his shoulder's as comfortable as any pillow. and his blush might possibly be one of the cutest things in the universe, when he's spluttering and can't say some word or something, purely because it's scandalous.

(he means, c'mon, they're teenagers. kindaichi could afford to swear, couldn't he? apparently not, since he always had the most expressive face whenever akira let a swear word slip. he could count the number of times kindaichi looked at him shocked even, as he undoubtedly bluntly used an arsenal’s worth of cuss words.)

he soon regrets not cursing the fact that someone confessed to kindaichi. he really should feel happy for him- that akira knows, yet he finds their time being cut short as kindaichi hangs out with a girl, someone who akira honestly doesn’t even know the name of by the way he’s paying attention. (hint: he isn’t. he really isn’t paying much attention when kindaichi talks about his girlfriend.)

and soon he feels like he’s suffocating, so many words he kinda wants to say ( _ why couldn’t you have fallen for your best friend instead?) _ but never does. for kindaichi is happy and his girlfriend is a good person and they’re made for eachother and and..

and he should really stop being so jealous. and so, he cups all those feelings into a ball, and shoves it into the depths of his heart. (one of the worst analogies, yet he doesn’t quite know how to explain it. he still feels things, but he doesn’t allow himself to be affected by it. it’s fine it’s fine it’s fine. plus, being best friends didn’t mean that you had to date each other. kindaichi had his own life, he was allowed to spend time with other people and.)

he’s kind of done with the looks hanamaki-san and matsukawa-san and oikawa-san shoot at him. even iwaizumi-san seems to glance at him and then kindaichi, with a confused look on his face. was he really that obvious? he must have been. or perhaps oikawa-san did spill a couple of secrets to iwaizumi-san, or well, a couple thousand.

not that he minds, really. at this point, he’s somewhat used to it. it’ll just be a while before kindaichi realizes, and he wonders. once he does, how many things will change? hopefully not to much. observing kindaichi and iwaizumi from the distance, it seems that their relationship hasn’t changed much. just how both of them seem slightly more nervous around each other-- one not wanting to bother and interfere, and the other worrying about hurting the other.

he kinda hates that relationship. no, not kinda, really does. it’s infuriatingly awkward watching the two of them, but at least they find a new rhythm. as for kindaichi’s new girlfriend (well. could it be even called a new thing anymore?) , things remain… normal. ish.

he finds them drifting apart. he finds himself sitting more often with the third years- just as an honorary member. and he knows that once they leave- perhaps he’ll be alone once more, like his kindergarten self. or early middle school self, where he doesn’t quite know how to connect with others. and this time, everyone else has found there people, while he is left, standing alone. in his own island.

(okay maybe it’s his fault. maybe it’s his fault, since he doesn’t want to get attached, since he doesn’t want to get in the way of things. because there's one thing that hurts more than having an unrequited crush on your best friend, it’s watching your best friend be with others, be with lovers- or well, a lover. and watching both of them move on, while you’re stranded.

and kindaichi deserves a bit of happiness, actually a lot. he deserves freedom, and he does not need akira chaining him down, just for his own selfish desires.)

so it’s fine. since things just kinda have to be fine, as he’s playing the role of the best friend and that means supporting kindaichi. plus, kindaichi’s still there with him from time to time, and they’re still together during volleyball matches, and sometimes even mondays. kindaichi’s girlfriend isn’t someone akira can really hate. she’s nice, kind. smart. and well. positive things. he doesn’t know.

days fly past. months. weeks, years even. their friendship does not go to ruin, even if akira is sometimes left catching the strands. he’s fine however, he’s found his place with a couple others- not as an official member of a friend group or anything, but he’s still there.

and soon, the chances of nationals and interhighs and winning- slip past his fingers as well. it seems like a repetition of middle school all over again, the disappearance of the third years making it so much more difficult for others to catch up, their presence an obvious hole.

it’s fine though, as all the other schools are probably also suffering losses and trying to regain their step from the missing third years. or maybe those schools are still shining and what not. sometimes aoba johsai wins, sometimes they get fairly far, but they always end up slipping at the very end, falling, falling, and falling.

falling doesn’t even sound like a good word. perhaps tumbling cuts it, or stumbling.

soon, yahaba-san steps down, kyoutani-san and watari-san with him, as akira feels the years catching up, as he feels everything disappearing bit by bit. it’s decided, he knows who’s captain and who’s vice captain, and kindaichi absolutely deserves the job but. him?

watari-san was the one before, and iwaizumi-san before him. to put it simply, kunimi’s abilities of even- dealing with people are far below their skills. he skips practices, he doesn’t give a shit about people. sure, he can work well but.. okay. he could work decently well with underclassmen, but that was only because they were  _ good _ people. and he tolerated them.

perhaps that was the reason- but if it was, kindaichi had the ability to generally talk to people (in his own awkward way). he had the ability to make them feel connected, to make them feel. important, in a sense. there were others who could compliment him perfectly well- if that was the shit yahaba-san and watari-san was going for.

or perhaps it was merely for their own benefits, as he swore he saw yahaba-san slightly give him a shit-eating smirk (much like the one oikawa-san gave him, and hanamaki-san before that. heck, he doesn’t even know who started it). but that was a petty reason, and despite how much pain he swore his upperclassmen loved seeing him in, that would surely not be the case for captain and vice captaincy.

so he either displayed some sort of maturity throughout his years, or he was fit for the job in some way. one way or the other- he didn’t quite understand.

kindaichi’s beaming though, so he holds onto that reason. plus, being vice captain meant that he would have a decent voice in terms of asking other teams, organizing events- even if he needed to get the permission of the coach. which was, frightening, to say the least.

(coach irihata often glanced at him in hatred, beady eyes taunting him- as if to challenge him to skip more practices. he did, partially because he was a bit tired and because he was a bit bored, but also to spite.

approaching him was scary, seconds ticking down as akira had to make his way there- reading for another quick lecture in front of everyone about the fact that he should stop skipping practices / he was a regular after all. but would he listen? no. he really wouldn’t. after all, he doubted coach irihata understood teenage crushes, he doubted coach irihata understood personal issues, and he doubted coach irihata knew the feeling of being lost, stranded.)

he is all but seventeen years old, when the world seems to keep running, faster and faster, a speed that he could never catch up to.

so as seasons bleed together once more, kunimi grows. carrying the burden of knowing he has to find a university, of knowing that him and kindaichi would be seperated soon enough, and knowing that he would have to communicate and find more company then. he carries the burden of being the future vice captain, responsibilities on his shoulders as he struggles to look ahead.

_ how did you do it? _ he now wants to ask. iwaizumi-san, watari-san. people he has never been too familiar with, one for petty hatred, and another as he was far too afraid. how did you approach another after all, who didn’t quite approach you? how did you approach another, if all your vocabulary was stated with a lazy drawl, an attitude that seemed as though you didn’t give a shit, no matter how much you were sweating at the end?

his efforts are futile for months, until finally hanamaki-san responds to one of his messages. a surprise, to himself even when he opened his contact weeks ago. it seemed right though, as despite how nice oikawa-san always was when he skipped practices, or how iwaizumi-san still stared at him with two eyes like a person, and instead of with hatred (which he deserved) for how he treated the other. it seemed right, despite how akira was aware that matsukawa-san probably carried a burden of being smart but being stupid as well, of how yahaba-san had a sassy attitude but made it work, and how watari-san seemed to always have that serene gaze, serene expression as he handled things efficiently.

because despite all the connections he shared with all his upperclassmen, the one with hanamaki-san seemed the strongest. perhaps it was because they both pined for idiots (although, that could extend to more than a few members of their team), or perhaps it was just. because they clicked, in a way. hanamaki-san felt more like a mentor, a parental figure in a sense, than anyone else had in his life. not so much as a parent who was overbearing however, but a friend who had years of wisdom before him. years of wisdom that still somehow made him carefree, an idiot, and someone who seemed so positively human in the midst of all the geniuses.

even in his first year, akira always felt as though hanamaki-san was also trying to find his place in the team. making jokes, cracking fun- yet somehow tinged with uncertainty. not the uncertainty akira had, but a different kind of uncertainty- the pining kind, in a sense. was it alright to be so close to another? to the points where the lines friendship and whatever dating entailed blended together, almost as if it didn’t exist in the first place?

or perhaps it was something completely different that led them to bond so easily like this. at this point, akira wasn’t quite sure. his advice, useless and strange as it was, did a decent amount of helping- or at least alleviated the stress off his chest, the weight upon his shoulders- even if just a moment.

he (thankfully) did not question him on why he believed hanamaki-san to be the wise one, the one who gave all the answers. iwaizumi-san or watari-san would make more sense based on position after all, and oikawa-san and yahaba-san were amazing captains, despite how sometimes they seemed to slightly be unsure as well. even kyoutani-san played his part, as someone who effortlessly complimented yahaba-san, helped him in ways that most of the team didn’t quite notice.

_ aww my dear precious son, coming 2 me for advice. how absolutely wonderful, what questions do you have 4 ur o’ wise hanamaki-senpai today?  _ is what he receives, as the response, in the end. strangely he doesn’t mind, there’s something about the familiarity that allows him to be comfortable, that allows him to settle back into the tempo, as if he was back in his first year, an awkward spiker- a different sort of awkward that just lost one of his closest friends, and stuck by the other like a selfish brat.

_ i’m 17 and you’re still calling me your son :P _ , is what akira sends back, a quick question following later.  _ got appointed to vice captain or something. how do you. even manage this freaking position? _

_ if u asked iwaizumi, he would probably say something about handling oiks or something. dk 2 b fair. dk how either iwaizumi nor watari managed it, yet here we r. there’s uncertainty anyways, no matter who the shit u r, whether ur someone as uptight as iwa, or someone else as gentle as watari. none of them knew what 2 do (actually can’t speak for watari-kun but he probably didn’t know what 2 do) but u’ll figure it out somehow. ur smart in ur own way. btw, how’s ur little thing with kindaichi going? _

_ so just do anything i want? that’s… useless advice ig. :P how’s your pining with matsukawa-san going? _

_ glad u asked, my dearest son. u now have a second father, we r officially together _

_ i’m you’re only son, hanamaki-san. when was this? oh. and congratulations ig :P _

_ woo finally admitting it rn’t we? victory points 4 me. dn’t think we’re ignoring this, hows shit w u n kindaichi? _

_ hanamaki-san, please. we both know it’s not going to happen. it’s a crush anyways, i’ll get over it :P _

_ that’s what they all say lmao though. gl, ur gonna need it _

_ thanks i guess. _

it ends similar to how he expected, in a sense. and instead of the jealousy or envy he would have felt a couple years ago if this transpired, he feels a small smile flutter upon his lips. yeah, at least one less has gotten their love life figured out, and akira’s somewhat happy about that. hanamaki-san did deserve it after all, all the qualities and the insults he spoke of, even the most absurd ones. they were made for each other after all, compliments, even to strangers.

perhaps that day is also a day where fate smiles upon him, although it’s a sadistic smile, one that promises nothing but bad fortunes and shitty luck. kindaichi’s girlfriend breaks up with him days after that encounter, his demeanor evidently saddened, despite how much the rest of the team tries to cheer him up- or how much he tries to smile through the pain.

it’s not something that seems to particularly matter to him, more of the sense that, from kindaichi himself, it was his first relationship and he kinda expected it to work well and something along those lines. akira listened, and also really didn’t. at the end, the present was the same- they had officially broken up, with kindaichi carrying his broken pieces, the heart on his sleeve officially shattered while his g- ex-girlfriend seemed to keep it all together.

perhaps they weren’t just made for each other, or perhaps they were looking for something that wasn’t going to be there in their first relationship. kindaichi did mention how the last couple of months was a bit more strained, both of them not having as much fun as they would expect. still, it seems to hurt kindaichi more than he admits, more than he does to state.

he’s there, by his side, always. picking his pieces up, and even if he can’t fill his heart, he still tries his best to glue the cracks together, taping the pieces. how stupid it utterly was, falling so utterly helplessly for someone while finding your universe breaking the moment they leave. a trust that akira can’t quite give anyone, and yet some part of him wonders if he has already given a piece of himself to another, a piece that he can’t quite gain back.

a small part of him wonders if hanamaki-san already knows, when he texts him once more, with permission from kindaichi of course. hanamaki-san seems to channel his shit-eating smirk through texts, and types a quick  _ lmao didn’t know the kid had it in him. u still have hope, my son _

_ for the last time, i’m not your son. _

_ last time u didn’t deny it, don’t be so rude now _

hope, a funny word really. everyone said that there was hope in crevices and cracks, yet at the end- it seemed to be the attitude of people that really brought the hope. there was no point in winning a game, no chance of it all, if a single player didn’t have their heart staked out, the possibility- no matter how small it was, deep within their heart, bursting.

hope didn’t lead them to win enough games, nor the right ones, to carry them to the nationals. they fail, again and again, as kindaichi and him relinquish their positions, a smile on their faces nonetheless- as they crown new people to be the captain and vice captain. to his kouhai, stumbling with a smile placed on his lips, a bit clumsy yet a bit proud.

“you can do it,” is what akira says to him, “the road’s going to be uncertain, but the team nominated you for a reason. you can do it, even if everything else is odd. surprises are always going to be there so, well. carry our team to nationals, beat everyone.”

“y-yeah. okay,” his kouhai replies. akira has a feeling that he doesn’t quite understand whatever bullshit akira just said moments ago, but he finds that he doesn’t quite mind. although his kouhai’s on the cusp of turning 18, still 17, and almost an adult- he still has a long way to go. all of them do, in a sense.

eighteen years, is how much he has grown, the minute he feels as though he has  _ accomplished _ something. of course, he doesn’t really feel the achievements until, moments later.

time passes quickly on his hands, and it seems to be the same with kindaichi as well. graduation comes, something in their path that akira always knew was going to be there, yet it seems far too soon. graduation? already? this all seems insane, in lack of a better word.

and yet, it feels right somehow. a fever dream, passing far too quickly. in that moment, he feels like his awkward 14 year old self, entering aoba johsai for the first time, kindaichi by his side, waiting for kageyama- despite knowing that he would not appear.

karasuno only managed to make it to the nationals once, in their first year. perhaps aoba johsai wouldn’t make it there for a long time, but someday. some day, they would enter the national stage, a smile on their face. akira pledged to be there that one day, and as well as as many matches he could make, to bring a proud smile on his lips- however small it was.

university life is challenging, something that seems rather evident to him from the beginning. studies and studies are piling up, as he finds himself sleeping later than he would like, barely any people full of energy. despite his stellar grades in middle school and high school, he still sometimes wonders if he’s falling behind. even without volleyball chasing his back, (a sensation that he misses), and even without kindaichi by his side (something he misses more, but hey- they still talk every once in a while, and the pining isn’t there anymore. not so prominently, anyways. kindaichi has no new girlfriends to speak of, nor boyfriends for that matter.)

that’s an interesting thought, to be fair. akira himself didn’t get into any relationships, no matter how much kindaichi prodded him-. kindaichi seems insistent on the fact that akira has some sort of secret girlfriend— or boyfriend, or lover that he has kept away from kindaichi for all the wrong reasons. still, akira shakes his head and denies any claims. he really doesn't after all— how could he when he had eyes for someone else?

he let that thought slip on accident, once. kindaichi picks up upon it, eyebrows high, surprised for whatever reason. he said something about akira  _ finally _ acting human, and asked who the fuck the mysterious person slash crush was.

"you do know them," akira finally answers, more and more questions tumbling out of kindaichi's lips, a rare yet frequent occurrence these days, due to the distance and their separate classes. still, he's glad to know that he hasn't been replaced (yet) as kindaichi's best friend.

"you're not lying, kunimi— are you?" he seems oddly unfocused for once, dark brown orbs devoid of the usual excitement, hut replaced with something far more.. clouded. dark.

"i'd say you know them the most. more than me, at least." akira supplies— it's fairly obvious now, he thinks, he has never been someone who was, too subtle after all. the entire team (minus kindaichi) managed to find out in his first fucking year at seijoh, within the first couple of months. although he partially suspected hanamaki-san for that, as well as oikawa-san.

“you don’t even go to my school,” kindaichi helpfully states, “h-how would you even know my classmates? i don’t think you’ve met any of them before… unless…?”

“well no shit,” akira replies. perhaps it’s another useless reply, but he genuinely feels like pulling all his hair out in this moment. how obvious can it be really? clues laid down right in front of his best friend, and yet kindaichi still doesn’t take them. not even a single one. “they go to your school.”

“w-wait. but that doesn’t make any sense? how would you know that they went to my school… i don’t even recall introducing you to anyone yet.”

“you didn’t,” akira confirms. everything really, is just screaming at him to tell kindaichi. but that’s irrational, stupid. kindaichi has his own life after all, and akira was just a small part of it. he’s right, in a sense. he has his own school, he has his own friends. perhaps he also has a crush on someone, someone who likes him back. for, who really couldn’t? minus iwaizumi-san of course.

“do you have any crushes?” akira asks, changing the topic once a couple of seconds had passed, silent besides the thought of kindaichi’s thoughts almost jumping out of his every action.

“n-no!” kindaichi’s evidently flustered, and obviously hiding something. it’s that moment where akira is gifted with the sight of him being flustered all over again.

“don’t cover your face,” akira replies. “it makes it so much more obvious than when you stutter while lying. as well as you blushing.”

“a-am i really that bad of a liar?” kindaichi asks, almost leaning in slightly in interest. “n-not that lying’s good of course. i swear i don’t lie.”

“you just did. twice. and you confirmed that you lied about having a crush,” akira points out. “don’t worry about it though. no one’s gonna hurt you or anything for lying. you’re kinda innocent, if you haven’t noticed already.”

“hey!” kindaichi interjects, crossing his arms. in that moment, it’s as if they’re not university students, but more as if well… a timeless scene. between two simple best friends, where the time flows by, effortlessly. and nothing really matters- not the assignments cluttering up in akira’s desk which he’ll finish  _ soon enough _ , nor whatever kindaichi’s going through. nothing. matters.

“in our first year of seijoh, you  _ blushed _ when hanamaki-san dared you to say ‘shit’,” akira supplies, “at least he didn’t ask you to say ‘fuck’. that would have been a sight.”

“i didn’t know that we were  _ allowed _ to cuss!” kindaichi says, defending himself. 

“we weren’t,” akira replies simply. “it was part of the school code or whatever. but rules were meant to be broken- and it doesn’t really matter as long as you didn’t get caught.”

“sometimes i wonder how your record is still clean…” kindaichi mumbles, under his breath. of course, akira picks up on it- a small smile quirking up on his lips.

“how do you know it is?” he asks, teasing. “who knows? perhaps you’re talking to a criminal, kindaichi.”

“h-have you?” kindaichi questions, looking at akira in a new angle- quite literally. his head is slightly turned, as if a different perspective could lead him on to a few more details.

“i haven’t gotten caught yet,” is what akira finishes with, a small smirk. “for the record, it’s nothing too big. just shoplifting once or twice.”

“ _ just _ shoplifting?” kindaichi asks- as if that’s another atrocious thing. it really isn’t, and it pretty much will never be.

“yeah. just shoplifting. a couple caramels,” akira replies, expression almost wistful. he digs his pockets for a cube, before popping it into his mouth. “just a couple.”

“t-those things are sold in  _ bags _ ,” kindaichi says, emphasising the last word. “giant freaking  _ bags _ , how did you even manage to steal them?”

“magic. a magician never reveals their secrets.”

“sometimes. sometimes, kunimi. sometimes i hate you.”

“oh wait. you’re finally able to say the word ‘hate’ now, instead of saying something like ‘akira i greatly fudging dislike you.’”

at the end, he receives no answers about kindaichi’s mysterious crush. and yet, he doesn’t find himself minding. that conversation was familiar, nice. much better than nice even- almost comforting. and it didn’t really matter whether kindaichi had another crush or not, he would deal with it. he had been dealing with it for the past couple of years.

they don’t go back to the ‘crush’ question until weeks later, months even. almost a year, as they’ve finished the first year of university, both tired and officially done with it. (although kindaichi would never voice that out loud, that innocent dumb moron.)

“it’s fine to say you hate school y’know,” akira offers. “it’s not like anyone really likes school.”

“there  _ has _ to be a couple of people who genuinely enjoy school, kunimi!” kindaichi states. “my classes aren’t that boring. maybe i’m just being overdramatic.”

“so most people are just overdramatic?” akira asks, quirking an eyebrow. “that sounds ‘bout right.”

“don’t think you’re exempt from most people, kunimi. you might be one of the most dramatic people i know.”

“ugh. i’m not  _ that _ dramatic,” akira replies.

“yeah. most of the time you’re asleep.”

“since when did you learn how to sass, kindaichi?”

“y'know. when you spend a couple of years with a scoundrel known as kunimi akira, you pick up a few things that you probably shouldn’t.”

“mm i think kunimi’s a pretty wise guy. you should listen to him.”

“you  _ are _ him, kunimi. you didn’t just call yourself wise.”

“did too. and y’know, kindaichi should listen to the wise guy. who’s your crush, by the way?”

a tad bit forward, akira thinks. perhaps he overstepped, yet the curiosity is overwhelming. he has confirmed it and yet. he wishes to learn more- for what, he does not know. for he’s quite sure when he figures it out, it’ll be another landslide, another fall. in which he compares himself to the other, or when he’s even more distanced than usual.

but kindaichi deserves the best, because he’s his friend. best friend, even if they go to different schools. even if kunimi as close to no idea about kindaichi’s aspirations, nor his own. even if kindaichi probably has dated a lot more people, and even if kindaichi’s probably a lot more mature than he will ever be. but it’s fine. it’s fine because it’s kindaichi and he really should stop getting so  _ hung up _ about a mere crush that has lasted since he was in his first year of high school. or even before, now that he thinks about it.

but it’s a meager crush. a small thought, at least, that’s what he tells himself. it’ll be fine, it’ll always be fine. he’s his best friend after all.

“maybe the guy isn’t so wise after all,” kindaichi replies. akira can see a red dusting his cheeks once more. surely he’s thinking of his crush at the moment, glancing in the distance.  _ shall you ever need me, _ akira wants to say _ , i’ll be here. waiting. _

“i got better grades than you throughout middle and high school,” is what akira ends up saying, out loud. it’s an indisputable fact. although kindaichi was rather studious and a good person in general, akira still managed to breeze by (most) classes with minimal studying, as well as little time spent on work. he spent most of his time procrastinating anyways, and still managed to get a better grade than kindaichi- much to kindaichi’s chagrin.

it turned out that kindaichi’s intelligence didn’t really lie within academics. problems that took akira only a couple minutes to figure out (sometimes even seconds) had kindaichi writing down formula after formula, yet no direct way to apply them.

“with math, you kinda have to figure out why the formula exists, instead of memorizing it,” akira mentioned once, watching kindaichi as he scratched out another answer. “y’know, when you memorize things and you get stressed, it disappears. but if you know how to figure things out, then the formula is always there. in your brain, regardless of being memorized or not.”

“i guess so,” kindaichi replied, that day, “it’d kinda be nice if things stayed though. and if math problems were easy to solve, like other problems.”

“where would be the fun in life if everything was easy and shit?” akira asked, back then, “there’s a certain thrill when you don’t know things. plus, i don’t think any of us want to repeat the test we had a couple days ago, over and over. don’t want that stupid test to stay on my desk for longer than it needed.”

“the problems would be easier to solve, kunimi.”

“yeah and? still kinda boring. if you think about it, some subjects are easy, but boring as fuck since you know everything. but when you don’t and you start to understand, you enjoy it more.”

“then perhaps you should come to volleyball practice and perfect your spikes instead of sulking after you fail, every single time. and blaming it on being tired- i know you have more stamina than that, kunimi. and i’m pretty sure iwaizumi-san does as well, and oikawa-san.”

“ugh. forget i said anything.”

kindaichi glares at him. for one second, two. “fine. maybe you’re wise. but i’m still not talking about my crush, it’s going to be weird to talk about him with you.”

“him?” akira asks, picking up. ah. so it’s a boy. it’s a boy, and perhaps. perhaps this one will be better than iwaizumi-san, perhaps this boy, this lucky boy will like kindaichi back. perhaps they’ll have a happy future, or a happy couple of weeks. (no offense to iwaizumi-san of course. now, akira doesn’t think he holds any grudges against him anymore. iwaizumi-san’s a good person, he’s genuine, he’s. a good senpai, he always was, in a sense. akira just held a temporary grudge against him, childish, now that he thinks about it.)

“ugh- i didn’t mean to let that slip,” kindaichi groans. and akira can once more see that blush on his cheeks, as he averts his eyes. strange. he never really did that with akira, throughout high school and middle school, and even a bit of university when talking about his crushes. but this time, he almost seems more shy. perhaps it’s development, whether it’s character development or the fact that they’ve alienated from each other, making akira just another stranger with the label of best friend.

“do i know him?” akira asks. a small question, a small hope. the likelihood lies in the fact that it’s merely another one of kindaichi’s teammates, except this time kindaichi probably won’t talk about him so much knowing that akira doesn’t know much about him, and also knowing the fact that kindaichi keeps insisting akira to talk more about himself with no avail. not that it was his fault, listening to kindaichi was far more interesting than telling his own stories about university, and his own secrets.

“a- uh. no,” kindaichi says. another bad lie, and yet akira can’t help but wonder if it’s the truth. perhaps it is, the chances are low. and, the fact that kindaichi’s flustered only further proves the fact that he might in fact be telling the truth, just. flustered or embarrassed or something.

would he be that embarrassed, talking about his crush? he really hoped not, it would have been too obvious. (not that he really needed to be any less obvious, maybe even more. still, destroying kindaichi’s life wasn’t worth it.) kindaichi’s a whole different breed of oblivious though, so he would be fine. that is, if he did talk about kindaichi in front of kindaichi.

“you’re not too good of a liar, kindaichi,” akira states, “but i dunno. it oddly seems like your telling the truth at the moment.”

“t-it’s not fair how you k- oh. yeah! the truth. i’m telling the truth,” stumbling stumbling stumbling, as akira raises an eyebrow. ah. so he does know him, whoever it is.

“who is it?” akira asks. leaning closer. kindaichi moves further, further and further, as akira allows himself to give himself a bit more space. perhaps that wasn’t the best intimidation or  _ please tell me whoever the shit your crush is _ tactic.

“doesn’t really matter. he’s never looked at me that way anyways,” kindaichi mutters. pain, pain’s evident in his voice. a sort of longing that akira’s  _ confident _ that he’s never heard before. not with iwaizumi-san, not with kindaichi’s ex-girlfriend in middle school. not any other of kindaichi’s crushes, this one’s new.  _ new _ , and it hurts so much more.

“maybe he has. dunno,” akira offers. a deep sigh taken, “have you ever talked to him?”

“yeah. countless times,” kindaichi laughs, bitterly. “frequently. it’s getting kinda stupid at this point but it’s nice.” he seems to glance in the distance, once. twice, before turning back. eyes trailing to the stars, through the rest of the atmosphere.

“talk to me about him, i guess,” akira states, “it’s better like that. to get some thoughts off your chest, about that mysterious boy that you have a crush on.” he sometimes wishes he has done the same, but perhaps he did. once. with hanamaki-san and matsukawa-san, and occasionally with oikawa-san. subtly, a couple of words. endless teasing, yet it was nice to mention a few things, a few notes of appreciation.

“i really don’t think that helps, kunimi,” kindaichi replies, “can’t really. he’ll listen. which. sucks i guess. the worst thing to do when talking about your crush is when you’re talking to your crush or something.”

“i’m kunimi,” akira states, intelligibly, “not. not whoever the shit your crush is. plus, there’s no one nearby.” just for the sake of it, he turns around, arm gesturing towards the rest of the world, where not a single soul seems to be walking along the streets, nor where they are.

“ugh- yeah. yeah.” their conversation trails over from their, stopping soon enough. the sun has set after all, and in the midst of the night, akira feels himself replaying the words, over and over again. who could it be in the first place? listening within earshot. listening, so that kindaichi was talking to his crush.

_ i feel so fucking stupid, _ he sends to hanamaki-san later, at three something in the morning. hanamaki-san replies with something unintelligible, a complaint about the time, as well as a question, a curiosity.

_ nothing, nothing really _ , akira replies.  _ i’ll be fine.  _ he’s sure he will be, he must be after all. the crush is requited, requited! either that, or he’s thinking too much again, or looking too into things. one of the two, hopefully the prior.

how long? he wants to wonder. how long was it, that it was requited? perhaps just a couple of days, perhaps weeks. not months though, not months nor years- not that he minds. he really doesn’t. it feel as though he just figured something new, as though everything bloomed in fruit.

nothing else is magical. his grades don’t magically go up, he doesn’t appear any less tired than usual. he doesn’t act different really, and kindaichi and him still meet up- constantly, or not so constantly at all.

it’s fine. it’s fine, but he really doesn’t know how to bring it up. kindaichi never really talks about his crush, nor him for the manner. well, that and they’re the same person, but it never comes up. akira doesn’t want to push- it doesn’t seem right to.

words are on his lips, and yet he remains silent. there shouldn’t be any point in asking him- he’ll ask when he’s ready. ( _ or perhaps he won’t, _ a smaller voice tells him. that voice is slowly getting louder- it’s the logical voice after all, the ne that tells him not to do things that he eventually starts doing.)

this time he heeds the smaller voice. perhaps it’s correct, in some cases. perhaps it’s the smarter voice, perhaps the same voice would have led him out of this fiasco, that fiasco. perhaps that voice could have been a better guide than any other laws and regulations he followed.

soon, time passes by once more. kindaichi dates no one, not that akira knows of. he doesn’t either. the same words dance upon his lips, and he wants to talk about it- but he doesn’t want to push. later, more and more events come into his way, university is slowly clearing a path for real life- and volleyball pushes its way into his life once more.

no, no he no longer plays, but rumors still follow him. successes, two new teams making its way into japan’s stage, not even japan’s stage- the world’s stage, really. black jackals, as well as schweiden adlers. with a couple seconds of research- or perhaps it’s just watching the game, he soon realizes that kageyama’s on schweiden.  _ kageyama _ .

with that newfound realization, nothing happens. nothing really. he tells kindaichi about it, who- to no one’s surprise really, already knows. he watches slightly more volleyball matches however, keeping more of a tab on kageyama than he had before. apparently the spiker- the orange-haired middle blocker turned ace from karasuno- ‘chibi-chan’, as oikawa-san called him recently came back from brazil-  _ brazil _ , multiple timezones away, not to mention on the other half of the world in more than one way.

people were insane then, akira thought in that moment. completely insane- changing the entire course of their lives just for something that would be nothing but a moment, and yet it seemed worth it, as more and more games became interesting by the second- rallies, except this time they weren’t nameless faces, except this time akira actually  _ knew _ some of them, matches that happened from time to time in his high school years, or people that he’s actually talked to once or twice.

and finally, there was the big game. tickets clutched in one hand, a thought stuck in his brain. what if he was to? what if he was to…? there was no way of knowing things and yet- waiting seemed tiring at this rate, multiple opportunities passing as he never took his chance. it was for certain, unless kindaichi had moved on.

and from the lasting glances akira felt on him from time to time, it seemed as though that kindaichi, in fact, did not move on. thankfully, for once- as akira thought. thankfully, he was ready. for perhaps this was the best chance, and the only chance he got.

“here,” he said, giving kindaichi a ticket, “schweiden adlers against msby. they say it’s going to be one of the best games of this year, perhaps for a long time.”

“d’ya think he’ll play?” kindaichi asks, voice resonating sentimentality, memories of years and years. memories of a friend let go, a call for help never answered- but abandoned. well maybe they weren’t the best people to answer

“definitely,” akira answers. “he’s on the starting line-up, idiot. plus. isn’t hinata-kun going to play as well? he’s not going to miss it for the world.”

the day comes, sooner or later. to akira, it seems sooner than later, to be fair. he doesn’t quite know why in the world he came, but at least kindaichi’s there. by his side. moments before the game actually starts (well, hours actually) he finds himself clenching his fingers, or biting his lips. nervous habits, tapping his foot- would kageyama be alright, knowing that he was there? the situation was years ago, and yet- akira feels nothing but foreign, an outcast, in a place like this.

thankfully, he is hidden sufficiently in the crowd, kindaichi by his side. thankfully, kageyama doesn’t explicitly seem to notice him (or well, he doesn’t make a big sign or show out of it). the game’s good. beyond good, to be fair- and despite how much he likes hinata-kun, or how much he kinda appreciates what hinata-kun has done, as well as admire a couple more faces in the team, he cares not. kageyama’s team is the one he wants to win- even if ushijima-san is part of the team.

really. no offense to ushijima-san, but shiratorizawa was composed of assholes. utter assholes, each time seijoh lost- although akira himself bore no grudge, it was certainly something (especially to his teenage mind), crouched- bowed down even, watching giants pour over him.

(at least karasuno beat shiratorizawa that year. that was, certainly something akira may or may not have cheered over.)

the match ends. at the sound of the ball hitting the ground, it takes moments- minutes, perhaps even longer for akira to realize that. wow. that game has ended- and kageyama’s team didn’t carry the victory, but he seemed happy- soaring, all emotions filtering his face that he could never really realize or see. it seems like one of those times, twelve or thirteen once more, where kageyama’s shoulders didn’t bear so many burdens, when they were carefree teenagers and what not.

kageyama comes over, sooner or later. an offering, an olive branch- after so many years. akira feels his heart pounding, one that was once shattered, twice broken- and yet, growing stronger and stronger each day. they set a time.

it feels like forgiveness, no- he knows that it  _ is _ forgiveness, and understanding- acknowledgment in a way. no longer are they teenagers, still trying to figure out the way of the world, still trying to balance homework and friendships, everything and nothing all at once.

he is twenty one years, when he feels as though plenty of things, once broken, are now mended. not in a sense where the past has been forgotten, but in the sense where bonds and wishes, and promises have been made. 

he doesn’t confess. despite what he had planned for that day, the day for the match of kageyama versus hinata, or really, schweidan versus the black jackals, his words never quite form the lips.  _ it’s not the time to do this _ _ ,  _ he tells himself, each time a trail of thoughts lead to that idea.

beach volleyball is. interesting, to say the least. he’s really not accustomed to the sand, and he kinda dives (well, really. he falls) more times than he had anticipated. plus, it’s outside. outside, meaning it’s ridiculously cold, meaning that although it’s the  _ beach _ and it’s supposed to generally be  _ warm,  _ there’s the wind. and well, hinata-kun’s kinda right when he mentions how the sand is soft. it’s terribly comfortable for sleeping, or dozing off for a few seconds.

they switch up the teams, once, twice, multiple times, really. kindaichi beats him a couple of times, but akira makes sure to have his revenge, from time to time. dumping a ball if he feels like it, or even blocking one of kindaichi’s spikes. it’s fun, beyond fun- beyond anything that he has remembered.

“winner gets something from the loser,” akira mentions, moments before they play their next round, with hinata besides him. kindaichi nods, determination in his eyes- and he can feel the tension between hinata and kageyama. literally. it’s almost scary, in a sense- how they’re able to telepathically communicate.

“deal. prepare to get me things, kunimi,” kindaichi replies.

they don’t really win the game. yet, it goes on for an excruciatingly long time- not in a way where it’s painful, but when he’s out of breath,  _ sweating _ , and his lungs are burning. he keeps tracks of points though, each ball he blocks from kindaichi, each spike that earns a point. at the end, he still asks for a favor, kindaichi staring at him, one eyebrow raised, entire expression confused.

“i got more points,” akira explains. “so go on a date with me or something. i dunno.”

“i still won the— wait. wait,  _ what _ ,” kindaichi asks. “a… date. you’re. asking me out.”

“mhm, you can hear, can’t you?” akira replies. he knows there’s a small smirk on his lips. it’s confirmed already, he thinks. years of pining, perhaps months on kindaichi’s side- but it doesn’t quite matter. not really, with kindaichi’s next words.

“you’re not joking, are you?” kindaichi replies. “since.. i don’t know. but. i would like to.” he’s flustered, evidently flustered and akira kinda laughs at such, laughs at the acceptance and. well.

both kageyama and hinata are slightly staring at them, eyes widening in shock. “thank you for the game,” akira smoothly says, as kindaichi’s still in the middle of babbling absolute nonsense.

“what the fuck. you’re telling me that you two weren’t” kageyama gestures with his hands, more and more actions although none of them show anything coherent, nothing at all.

“dating?” hinata-kun finishes.

“no?” kindaichi replies. and akira laughs once more at his surprised face, leaning against him.

he is twenty one years old, where friendships mend themselves, and in which one blossoms into a relationship, a romantic one. he is twenty one years old, standing in front of his mirror, putting effort into whatever the shit he’s going to wear, spending a bit too much time- yet it doesn’t matter. he is twenty one years old, when he shares his first kiss, laughing and sipping a drink. he is twenty one years old, when he thinks watching other people kiss can be kinda gross, but he doesn’t really mind it when one specific person kisses him. at all.

**Author's Note:**

> good heavens. thank you for reading. as someone who well, has been putting off this for decades, i feel as though there have been chances in my writing. parts that don't really fit- since i did it more on a whim than anything, with no plot in mind. moment and moments that pop up, when i'm half asleep really. 
> 
> originally i think, there were places that i wanted to mark to put some notes, or liberties taken. i think in general, i've only re-read parts of the manga (i relied more on the wiki, to be fair) when writing this. so, there's some minor inaccuracies that are probably bound to happen, but we ignore such. maybe one day i'll actually look back and edit this 14,000 word long mess.
> 
> i would say that i'm never going to do this again but. who knows? maybe in another fifty months, i'll post another work. i think i might want to do a small character study on akaashi keiji next, or branch out to a couple of prompts. my prompt list is growing after all.
> 
> thank you, to well. people i've asked questions, here and there. there's a certain server, and a certain person who has really helped me throughout this, whether they really know it or not. mm. thank you brie, i think, for getting me into kindaichi and kunimi, not only as a ship, but a comfort ship, comfort characters. i didn't have any strong feelings regarding kinkuni, but damn. look at this whatever it is.
> 
> thank you as well, siren. idk, you probably won't see this but after months or weeks or days of rping with you, there's so much hanamaki and kunimi interactions that damn. i really loved doing such.
> 
> i hope i did all the characters justice, although i claim no expertise in their characters- at all.
> 
> mmm please leave feedback, if you feel like it, of course. i do feel really really proud regarding kudos and bookmarks, and even comments and what not. i'll try to reply!!
> 
> once again, thank you.


End file.
